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The Real Reason You Won’t See Me in a Maserati

Those moments when I feel inclined to seek out Maserati for sale, four words come to mind:

“Fat, underachieving, no frills…”

No, these aren’t the words chosen by an ex-girlfriend to describe me (that I know of, anyway…). It is how WWE Superstar and charismatic pitch-man John Cena described his 2013 Maserati GranTurismo C-MC Stradale.

And yet, it was intended as a compliment, to cut through the traditional buzz words that are so commonly used to romanticize Italian performance vehicles. It speaks to the fact that the vehicle’s appeal wasn’t based solely around a cultivated image of the sleek design or staggering power ratings.

Granted, we’re not talking about an underpowered vehicle here. Wrangling 454 horses, the scaled-up 4.7-liter V8 Ferrari engine wouldn’t disappoint. But at 4200 LBS, it’s not built for sleek performance. His love of the vehicle isn’t based on elitist pretention, but on a general love of the Maserati’s roar, design and the fact that its fun to drive.

Now you’re probably thinking one of two things:

What did I just watch? In what world is John Cena a credible industry expert? Or…

What did I just watch? There wasn’t anyone in that video.

If you get that last joke (and if you did well done) then know this: you shouldn’t expect to find me behind the wheel of a Maserati. But unlike John Cena, it’s not because ‘you CAN’T see me’. It’s simply because…well, I just don’t have the $150+ grand sitting around for the GranTurismo MC

That’s right, forget the clickbait headline. I have nothing negative to say about a Maserati (except that I’m unable to afford one). I dream of being able to pick up a GTMC in Rosso Trionfale (Red) with dual-tone Marrone Corniola / Nero (Maroon / Black) leather interior. As its era draws close to an end, the (non-existent) likelihood of me picking up a new Maserati GranTurismo is slim to none.

And yet, it endures as a dream…a 4.7-second long dream, racing to 60 mph. A dream painstakingly crafted for its beauty, and joyful to find yourself within. Is a combined MPG anything to write home about? No. But speaking as someone who’s fat, underachieving and relatively ‘no frills’…there are more important things than efficiency.

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