Although comic books, movies, and other tales are often named after their heroes, to me, it’s the villains of these stories that are more important. A hero is defined by his or her villain in much the same way that light is defined by the shadows and darkness at the edges of its illumination. Without a strong villain, even the most impressive hero is ultimately pointless; they exist to protect others and stop evildoers from harming others – without said evildoers to protect people from, a hero doesn’t matter.
Whether you’re one for the comics, MCU films, or both, there’s no denying that Marvel has some of the most memorable and impressive villains anywhere around. But what, you might wonder, would these characters drive if they found themselves in the real world and needed transportation. Assuming they don’t have access to their typical means of transport, they’d need to choose something that fits their theme and let them get around.
Green Goblin – Tesla Roadster
For the record here, I’m really talking about Norman Osborne – since he has his Goblin Sled as the Green Goblin. Osborne is incredibly wealthy and “something of a scientist” himself, so I think he’d go for the tech and performance of a Tesla, particularly the Roadster. Let’s be honest: in Spider-Man’s New York, Norman Osborne’s company probably makes vehicles comparable to Tesla, and he’d drive some kind of “Osprey Roadster” made by Oscorp, but for the sake of this conversation, we’ll put him in a Tesla.
Doctor Octopus – Kia Sorento
Look, I’d love to put a man named “Otto Octavius,” who goes by the name “Doctor Octopus,” into something with a similarly appropriate name, but I just can’t. Octavius is a scientist but not a billionaire like Norman Osborne, so he’s not going to drive something flashy. Instead, he’ll have something practical like the Kia Sorento – the Sorento’s design also gives him plenty of space in the rear for his mechanical arms, so he can drive comfortably.
The Vulture – Volkswagen Jetta SportWagen
Again, this is not a flashy vehicle because that’s just not who The Vulture is. Of course, since he has mechanical wings and he can fly, he doesn’t really need a car for when he’s up to all sorts of villainy. Instead, this is what he’d drive when he needs to lay low and get around town without drawing much attention to himself. If we’re going off the MCU film version of Toomes, then he needs a reliable family vehicle, and the VW Jetta seems like the right choice.
Venom – Nissan Versa/Ricardo Fedrizzi Fiamma
Eddie Brock was a newspaper photojournalist and not a particularly good one at that, so he’s not going to have the money for something extravagant. I think the Nissan Versa is pretty much right in his wheelhouse and is all the car he would need. As Venom, however, he has the power to basically take whatever he wants, and the fluidic design and shape of the gorgeous Ricardo Fedrizzi Fiamma would perfectly fit his overall aesthetic. Get it in glossy black, and you have a vehicle that beautifully emulates the amorphous shapes of the symbiote.
Elektra – Ford Ranger
A midsize pickup might seem like a strange fit for Elektra, but hear me out: she’s an assassin and a ruthless mercenary. She needs to drive something that can get the job done, no matter what she needs to do. A midsize pickup like the Ranger lets her easily blend in since trucks are so common, while giving her performance to go anywhere she needs. Plus, if she’s in a tight spot and has to ram another vehicle, the Ford truck has the muscle to come out on top.
Doctor Doom – Mercedes-Benz 300SL
A classic of sophistication and beauty, the Mercedes-Benz 300SL features gull-wing doors, and it was built for speed and power. Not your run-of-the-mill villain, Victor Von Doom is a genius and ruler of the Kingdom of Latveria. He has money, power, and the guile to do pretty much anything he wants, so he’s probably going to roll up in something flashy and incredibly stylish. To me, this model is the perfect complement to his personality and style.
Magneto – DMC-12 DeLorean
I’ll admit, a DeLorean seems a bit flashy for Magneto, and I’d generally agree. That being said, I think the stainless steel body panels would be particularly attractive to the master of magnetism. It would be pretty easy for him to propel this vehicle anywhere he wanted to go, and the ability to control and move not only the frame but also the body itself would be an advantage. Whatever else he might drive, I think he would specifically avoid anything German-made.
Mystique – Yes
When considering what Mystique would drive, the answer became pretty clear: whatever is appropriate for her appearance. Since Mystique can change her shape, and she often uses this ability to look like someone else, she would pick a vehicle that matched her appearance. She’s cunning enough to simply steal the car from whomever she’s duplicated the appearance of in order to complete the illusion. Failing that, I think she’d probably just use a ride-sharing service with an appropriately generic appearance to not be memorable or identified as herself.
Emma Frost – Rolls-Royce Phantom
Not only was Emma Frost born to a wealthy family, but she also used her significant intellect and her telepathic powers to amass a vast fortune beyond that. As such, I think she’d likely enjoy an incredibly stylish and sophisticated ride, and I can’t think of anything better to match her own aesthetic than the Phantom. She’d probably have it painted in some sort of white-on-white paint scheme, and either have a driver or an automated driving system so she wouldn’t have to worry about anything as mundane as getting behind the wheel.
Red Skull – Volkswagen Phaeton
Without question, Red Skull is going to have a German vehicle, but that doesn’t narrow down the options too much. While a BMW would certainly be fitting, I think Johann Shmidt would be drawn to the unique dichotomy that is an ultra-exclusive luxury vehicle made by the “people’s” auto company. This is in a modern setting, of course – back in his day, he would likely ride in something like the Mercedes-Benz 770, which was the vehicle of choice for the real-life monsters that he’s based on.
Loki – Dodge Viper
To be honest, there really aren’t a lot of cars out there that scream “God of Mischief” to me, but this is the closest thing to it that makes. For starters, the Dodge Viper is a sleek and stunning vehicle that I think fits Loki’s overall aesthetic, especially if painted just the right shade of green. According to one story, Loki once turned into a snake to surprise Thor and stab him when he least expected it. As such, I think Loki would appreciate the “Viper” name – plus, in actual Norse mythology, Loki is the father of Jörmungandr, the world serpent, so it all just sort of fits.
Ultron – Tesla Cybertruck
I want to make one thing very clear: Ultron wouldn’t just ride around in a car; he would take over and become part of the car. The style and design of the Cybertruck seems like a natural choice for Ultron, and the advanced computer systems would be easy for him to hack into and take full control over. That would make his vehicle a part of him, and he’d probably just turn it into a new Ultron robot eventually, but until then, the Cybertruck seems like the right choice.
Thanos – BMW 8 Series Convertible
Obviously, Thanos doesn’t really need a car, especially when he’s in possession of any of the Infinity Gems. He can just teleport to wherever he wants to go. Still, I think he’d appreciate the sleek style of the BMW 8 Series, and a convertible design would let him take the top down and really enjoy the wind in his… well, on his head. But why a BMW in particular? Simple: the engineers at BMW love to brag about how their cars have a 50/50 weight distribution, which means it’s perfectly balanced, as all things should be.